In The Beginning

For the sake of simplicity I've been calling the pre-Big Bang Thing/Energy/Entity "God." I don't want to get careless in my thinking by doing so. When I reread what I wrote yesterday, it seemed that I had slipped into personifying God. How did I allow that to happen? I retraced my thoughts.

Whether I go the Cartesian route (I think, therefore I am) or the Einsteinium matter/energy route (to the very limited extent that I understand it), I come back to the mystery of my awareness which is the only thing that I know for certain exists. Where did this awareness come from? And is Awareness THE distinguishing characteristic of God?

As a child of the modern era and with a limited understanding of physics, I accept that matter and energy are transformable; each can become the other. If the Big Bang, or some version of it, is The moment of birth of the Universe, what existed prior to that moment? The Mysterious "It" that philosophers and scientists and ordinary people have been trying to understand for eons. Whatever the nature of "It," "It" had the seeds of matter/energy. Was there a third component, Awareness, such that this "It" had the seeds of matter/energy/awareness? If so, I would call that "It" God. My current view of things, tinged with a bit of faith as well as reason, is in this direction. This may not be the case at all. It may (must) be far more complicated. It is also possible that awareness developed at some point after the Big Bang, that it evolved out of matter/energy or something else. In this case, I'd come down on the side of a Godless universe.

These are my ramblings. For most of my life, I've thought about these things and come up with different answers. I'm not sure if sharing them on a public blog is the wisest idea and I feel like I'm taking a risk in doing so. It doesn't "feel" right, but it seems like something that I "should"do, though I'm not sure why. I don't expect to arrive at an unwavering understanding of all this. I value the process of following these thoughts without pushing them towards any particular conclusion.